A bone to pick.

Someday I am going to write a book. I'm not sure what the title will be but the subject will be order and submission in the balance.
I lived in a home where my mom worked from the time I went into elementary school. My parents worked together at cleaning the house, doing laundry, etc................. It wasn't until I was married and had a child that I saw that many families functioned quite differently from mine. I never heard about submission growing up or wives being obedient to their husbands,etc................ The first time I heard about the Proverbs 31 woman was at a baby shower and I had a 6 mos. old daughter. My first thought was, "Who in the world could accomplish all of that?" As time went on, the Lord kept placing me in situations that caused me to desire to know more about being a Godly wife and mother. I do believe 13 years later that I have read every book under the sun on being a Godly wife.
Now my bone to pick, I do believe that husband's are the head of the home. But, I have heard and seen more husbands who are horrid men who are very Ungodly to their wives and families. My heart cries out for some of my friends and women that I know who have had to endure abuse and pain in the name of "Submission" or "Godliness".
I do not believe that a woman just has to stay and take it. I do not believe in divorce but submitting to a sinful man who is scarring his wife and children is wrong. I hear Christians who are scared to ask for help because their church is not supportive of a woman going to her pastor. I also hear churchs that believe no other counseling should be considered but Biblical counseling. Don't get me wrong, I do believe in pointing people to God's word and it is wonderful to open up the Bible and see what the Lord has to say about a subject. However, there are people who have such deep rooted problems that the skill of a professional counselor is needed. A pastor may be experienced in God's word but he is not always experienced in handling psychological issues. Christians are to quick to jump the gun and make everything a sin issue. Sometimes, people need help beyond what their church's leadership can offer.
Another thing that bothers me is many books that I have read on the subject are always insinuating that if there is a problem between a husband and wife than it is somehow that the wife doesn't have the right attitude. This is true sometimes, we should always examine ourselves and our attitudes. It is not true all of the time though. I read a book about a wife that had a husband who was addicted to pornography. Somehow, even though it was acknowledged that it was sin on the husband's part, it was the wife's fault too. She wasn't making herself attractive enough, available enough. Maybe this was the case but the husband was WRONG! He needs help. A wife can't live on eggshells feeling that every unattractive moment of her life may turn her husband to a visual affair with pornography. An issue like this can not be shoved under the rug. It needs to be dealt with. I am sad to say that I have heard of spouse abuse, child abuse, molestation, pornography, adultery, etc..............coming from families that are considered upstanding, faithful church attending Christians. This is not right! We are sinners saved by grace but the Bible says that we produce fruits of rightousness. When these types of sin are a battle in a person's life.....................GET HELP!
When God set up order in the home, he commanded husbands to love their wives like Christ loves the church. What does this mean? Christ died for the church. Why do we love God? Because he first loved us, he died for us. When we realize how much God loves us, that draws us to Christ. His love for us makes us desire to please him and obey him. A husband is to love his wife and family in this way. He is so loving and protecting of his wife and children that they are so wanting to please him. He doesn't have to remind the wife to submit, she naturally does because she wants to. After all, who wouldn't want to submit to a man who's desire was to love and serve his family? Who had their interests as his first priority?
Unfortunately, lately I have heard of more husbands who are demanding submission from their wives. Who treat their kids like they are servants to a mighty king (the father) being verbally cruel and sometimes physically hurtful to the family. This makes me sick. This is not God's plan for a Godly home. A home that functions like this is not Godly and it is out of balance.
Christians, if we know of someone in these situations, encourage the wife to seek help. It is not healthy. God can change lives, prayer can change lives but we have an obligation to be proactive when we see such Ungodliness. Don't sit and know what's going on and do nothing about it. Encourage the family to get help. Find a pastor or a counselor that they can go to. Go with one of them if necessary. It is our obligation to the body to help a struggling person when we see such behavior. It is not lack of "submission" that is always the problem, many times it's lack of Godly leadership in the home.